Bonded

Glossary

The language of D/s.

Over 102terms defined the way practitioners use them — not the way a dictionary would. This is a living reference. If a term has a specific meaning within Bonded, that's noted.

A

Aftercare

The care and attention given after a scene or intense power exchange. Aftercare can be physical (blankets, water, holding), emotional (reassurance, check-ins, talking through the experience), or both. It is not optional. Both Dom(me)s and submissives need aftercare, though the form varies. See also: subdrop, domdrop. Read our aftercare guide.

Age play

A form of role play where one or both partners adopt a different age than their own. Often associated with DD/lg or CG/l dynamics. Does not involve minors — all participants are consenting adults engaging in role play.

B

Bondage

The practice of physically restraining a partner using rope, cuffs, tape, or other materials. Bondage can be functional (for restraint during a scene), aesthetic (for visual appeal, as in shibari), or psychological (the experience of helplessness). Safety knowledge around nerve compression and circulation is essential.

Bottom

The person receiving sensation or action in a scene. Often used interchangeably with submissive, though the terms are not identical — a bottom receives but does not necessarily cede authority. A person can bottom without being submissive.

Boundary

A personal line that defines what someone will or will not accept. In practice, boundaries are expressed through hard limits, soft limits, and ongoing negotiation. Boundaries belong to the individual and exist above any dynamic, rule, or instruction.

Brat

A submissive who intentionally tests, teases, or pushes back against their Dom(me)'s authority — not out of genuine disobedience, but as part of the dynamic's play style. Bratting is consensual and often enjoyed by both parties. The Dom(me) in a brat dynamic is sometimes called a brat tamer.

Breath play

Any activity that restricts breathing. Widely considered edge play due to the inherent risk — there is no way to practise breath play that is fully safe. The risks include loss of consciousness, cardiac arrest, and death. Many experienced practitioners choose not to engage in it. If included in a dynamic, it demands thorough research and honest risk assessment.

C

Cage

A physical enclosure used for confinement during a scene or as part of a protocol. Can range from a small pet-style kennel to a full-height standing cage. Confinement carries both physical and psychological dimensions.

Cane

A rigid implement used in impact play, typically made from rattan, bamboo, or synthetic materials. Canes deliver concentrated, stinging impact and are considered an advanced tool. Technique matters — placement, force, and warm-up all affect safety and sensation.

CG/l (Caregiver/little)

A dynamic structure where one partner takes a caregiving, nurturing role and the other adopts a younger persona (the "little"). A gender-neutral umbrella that includes DD/lg and Mommy/little dynamics. The caregiving element often extends beyond scenes into daily structure.

Chastity

The practice of restricting sexual release, often using a physical chastity device. In a D/s context, chastity is a tool for deepening power exchange — the Dom(me) controls access to the submissive's sexual pleasure. It builds anticipation, reinforces authority, and creates a tangible daily reminder of the dynamic. See Bonded's chastity features and our chastity guide.

Chastity device

A physical device worn to prevent sexual stimulation or orgasm. Designs vary widely — from cage-style devices for penises to belt-style devices. Material, fit, and hygiene are practical considerations. Most devices use a lock, with the key held by the Dom(me) or keyholder.

Check-in

A deliberate moment during or after a scene (or within a dynamic generally) to assess how both partners are doing. Check-ins can be verbal, use the traffic light system, or follow a structured format. Regular check-ins outside of scenes — weekly or daily — are a hallmark of healthy dynamics.

Collar

A physical item worn around the neck, typically by a submissive. Collars carry deep symbolic weight in D/s — often representing commitment, ownership, or the formal status of a dynamic. Some dynamics have multiple collar stages: consideration collar, training collar, formal collar. A collar's meaning is defined by the people in the dynamic, not by outsiders.

Collaring ceremony

A ritual marking the formal presentation of a collar. For many D/s practitioners, this carries significance comparable to an engagement or wedding. The format varies — some are private, some witnessed by community members. The ceremony formalises the commitment between Dom(me) and submissive.

Contract

A written agreement between partners outlining the terms of their dynamic: roles, rules, limits, safewords, duration, and conditions for renegotiation or termination. D/s contracts are not legally binding — they are communication tools that ensure both partners share the same understanding of the dynamic.

Crop

A short, flexible implement used in impact play, originally designed for horse riding. Crops deliver precise, targeted impact and are often used for lighter sensation play or as a visual/psychological tool within a scene.

Cuffs

Restraints worn on wrists or ankles. Available in leather, metal, fabric, and other materials. Proper cuffs distribute pressure to reduce the risk of nerve damage. Quick-release mechanisms are a safety consideration, especially for solo scenes or suspension.

Curious

In Bonded's limits system, "curious" is a specific classification meaning you are genuinely interested in exploring an activity but have not yet tried it or are not yet ready. It sits between soft limit and full willingness — a signal to your partner that this is something worth discussing, not something to spring on you. Curiosities are a starting point for negotiation, not blanket consent.

D

D/s (Dominance and submission)

A relationship structure built on consensual power exchange. One partner (the Dom(me)) takes authority; the other (the submissive) consents to follow that authority within agreed boundaries. D/s can be sexual, non-sexual, 24/7, or scene-based. It exists across all genders and orientations. Read our guide to D/s relationships and starting your first dynamic.

DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl)

A specific form of CG/ldynamic where a Dominant partner takes a "Daddy" role — nurturing, protective, and authoritative — while the submissive adopts a "little" persona. Despite the terminology, this is between consenting adults. The dynamic often emphasises care, guidance, and emotional security alongside power exchange.

Discipline

The structured enforcement of rules within a dynamic. Discipline can include punishment for violations, but also encompasses the broader framework of accountability, expectations, and consequences that give a dynamic its shape. Effective discipline is consistent, negotiated, and proportionate.

Dom(me)

The Dominant partner in a D/s dynamic. "Dom" is gender-neutral in many communities; "Domme" is sometimes used specifically for women. The parenthetical notation "Dom(me)" is inclusive of all genders. A Dom(me) holds authority that is given by the submissive's consent — not taken. The role carries responsibility: for the submissive's wellbeing, for consistency, and for honouring negotiated boundaries.

Domdrop

The emotional crash a Dominant can experience after a scene or period of intense power exchange. Symptoms mirror subdrop: guilt, anxiety, sadness, self-doubt, emotional numbness. Domdrop is under-discussed in the community but equally real. Dom(me)s need aftercare too.

Dungeon

A dedicated space equipped for BDSM activities. Can be a private room in someone's home or a commercial venue. Dungeons typically contain furniture and equipment for various types of play — St Andrew's crosses, spanking benches, suspension points, and so on. Commercial dungeons usually have house rules, monitors (dungeon monitors or DMs), and safety protocols.

Dynamic

A D/s relationship. The term encompasses the full structure — roles, rules, limits, protocols, and the ongoing power exchange between partners. In Bonded, "dynamic" is also the specific term for the relationship unit you create on the platform: you start a dynamic, invite your partner, and build your structure within it.

E

Edge play

Activities that push the boundaries of conventional safety. Edge play involves higher physical or psychological risk: breath play, knife play, fire play, CNC, and others. What counts as "edge" varies by community and individual. The common thread is that these activities carry risk that cannot be fully mitigated, requiring informed consent and honest risk assessment.

Evidence

In Bonded, evidence is the photo, video, audio, document, or text proof a submissive submits to demonstrate completion of a rule or task. Evidence transforms accountability from honour-system to documented — the submissive knows someone is paying attention, and the Dom(me) has a record of what was delivered and when.

F

FetLife

The largest social networking platform for the kink and fetish community. Functions similarly to a social network with groups, events, and personal profiles. Used for community connection, event discovery, and discussion. Not a dating site, though people do connect through it.

Fire play

The use of fire in a BDSM scene — typically involving flash cotton, fire wands, or cupping. Classified as edge play due to the obvious burn risk. Requires specific training, safety precautions (fire extinguisher, wet towels), and sober practitioners. Not a starting-point activity.

Flogger

An impact play implement consisting of a handle and multiple tails (falls). Floggers vary enormously in intensity based on material (suede is thuddy and gentle; rubber is stingy and intense), number of falls, and weight. One of the most common impact toys and often a starting point for people exploring impact play.

FLR (Female-led relationship)

A relationship dynamic where a woman holds authority. FLRs exist on a spectrum from mild (she makes most household decisions) to full power exchange. The term is used in both vanilla and D/s contexts. Not all FLRs involve BDSM elements, and not all female Dom(me)s practise within an FLR framework.

Flying

A colloquial term for the euphoric peak of subspace — the sensation of floating, detachment from ordinary awareness, and deep surrender. Not everyone experiences it, and it is not the goal of every scene. When it happens, it typically requires careful aftercare and monitoring, as the person in this state has diminished capacity for decision-making.

Funishment

A "punishment" that both partners enjoy — the submissive "earns" it through playful misbehaviour, and the Dom(me) "administers" it as part of the game. Funishments are distinct from genuine punishment (which is meant to correct behaviour). The line between the two should be clear in a dynamic — conflating them undermines the structure of real consequences.

G

Golden shower

Urination on or by a partner as part of a scene. Falls under the broader category of watersports. Comfort levels vary widely; this is commonly listed in limit negotiations.

H

Hard limit

An activity or situation that is absolutely off the table. A hard limit is non-negotiable — it is not something to be "worked up to" or "pushed past." Respecting hard limits is the minimum standard of ethical practice. Everyone in a dynamic has hard limits, including the Dom(me). In Bonded's limits system, hard limits are set individually and only editable by the person who set them.

Headspace

The psychological state a person occupies during power exchange. Both Dom(me)s and submissives experience shifts in headspace — the Dom(me) into authoritative focus, the submissive into receptive surrender. Related to but broader than subspace and top space. Headspace can be cultivated through ritual, protocol, and environmental cues.

Honorific

A title used to address the Dominant partner: Sir, Ma'am, Madam, Daddy, Mommy, Master, Mistress, or any other agreed-upon title. Honorifics are a form of protocol that reinforces the power dynamic through language. The specific honorific is negotiated between partners — there is no universal default.

Humiliation

Consensual degradation or embarrassment as part of a scene or dynamic. Ranges from mild (name-calling, verbal teasing) to severe (public humiliation, physical degradation). Highly personal — what feels humiliating varies enormously between individuals. Requires careful negotiation and understanding of each person's psychological landscape.

I

Impact play

Any activity involving striking the body: spanking, flogging, paddling, caning, and more. Impact play ranges from light and sensual to intense and painful. Safe impact play requires knowledge of anatomy — certain areas (fleshy parts of buttocks and thighs) are relatively safe targets, while others (kidneys, spine, joints) must be avoided. The implement, force, and target area all affect the risk profile. See also: flogger, paddle, cane, crop.

K

Keyholder

The person who holds the key to a chastity device. Usually the Dom(me), though some dynamics involve a third-party keyholder. The keyholder controls when the device is removed, making the role a direct expression of power exchange. Bonded's chastity feature tracks lock/unlock sessions and session history.

Kink

An umbrella term for sexual or relational practices outside mainstream convention. Kink includes BDSM, fetish, power exchange, role play, and many other practices. It is not a pathology — it is a dimension of human sexuality and relating that is practised by a large and diverse population.

Kink-aware professional

A therapist, counsellor, doctor, or other professional who understands kink and BDSM without pathologising it. Finding a kink-aware professional matters because mainstream practitioners sometimes misinterpret consensual power exchange as abuse. The Kink Clinical Practice Guidelines and directories like the NCSF's Kink and Poly Aware Professionals list are starting points.

Knife play

The use of knives or blades in a scene — for sensation (running a dull blade across skin), fear (the psychological element of a sharp object), or cutting (which involves actual skin breakage and is higher-risk). Classified as edge play. The psychological impact is often more significant than the physical.

L

Leash

A lead attached to a collar, used to physically guide or restrain a submissive. Leashing carries strong psychological symbolism around control and ownership. Used both in scenes and, in some dynamics, as part of daily protocol within the home.

Limit list

A structured inventory of activities with each person's comfort level noted. Limit lists facilitate thorough negotiation by systematically covering activities that free-form conversation might miss. Bonded's limits system covers over 170+ activities across 23 categories, with individual settings for each partner. See our guide to negotiating limits.

Little

The submissive partner in a CG/ldynamic who adopts a younger persona. Being a "little" is a form of role expression, not an indicator of maturity or competence. Many littles are fully functioning adults who access this headspace as part of their power exchange dynamic.

Long-distance D/s

A D/s dynamic conducted primarily or entirely at a distance. Structure becomes especially important in long-distance dynamics because you cannot rely on physical proximity to maintain the felt sense of power exchange. Digital tools, scheduled rituals, and consistent communication fill the gap. Read our long-distance D/s guide.

M

M/s (Master/slave)

A D/s dynamic characterised by a deeper level of power exchange than typical D/s. The "slave" cedes authority over a broader range of decisions, often approaching TPE. The terminology is historical within the community, though some practitioners prefer alternatives. M/s dynamics typically involve extensive negotiation and are considered advanced practice.

Ma'am / Madam

An honorific used to address a female or femme-presenting Dominant. Which title is used is a matter of personal preference negotiated within the dynamic.

Master

A Dominant who takes on the "Master" role, typically in an M/sdynamic. The title implies a depth of authority and commitment beyond casual D/s. In many communities, "Master" is considered an earned title rather than a self-assigned one.

Munch

A casual, public social gathering for kink-interested people — typically at a restaurant, bar, or coffee shop. Munches are vanilla-passing (no play, no fetish gear) and serve as a low-pressure entry point for meeting the local community. They are social events, not play events.

N

NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom)

A US-based advocacy organisation that works to advance the rights of consenting adults who practise BDSM, polyamory, and other forms of alternative sexuality. The NCSF provides resources including legal referrals, kink-aware professional directories, and incident reporting.

Needle play

The use of hypodermic or acupuncture needles inserted into the skin as part of a scene. Classified as edge play. Requires knowledge of sterile technique, anatomy, and bloodborne pathogen safety. The intensity is both physical and psychological.

Negotiation

The process of discussing and agreeing on the terms of a scene or dynamic: what activities are included, what the limits are, what safewords will be used, what aftercare looks like. Negotiation is not a single conversation — it is ongoing. Initial negotiation establishes the framework; renegotiation refines it as the dynamic evolves. See our negotiation guide.

Neutral

In Bonded's limits system, "neutral" indicates neither interest nor aversion — you could take it or leave it. Neutral is distinct from curious (active interest) and soft limit (caution). It means the activity is not a draw for you, but you would not refuse it within the right context.

NRE (New Relationship Energy)

The intense excitement, infatuation, and heightened emotional state that characterises the beginning of a new relationship or dynamic. NRE can lead to overcommitting, ignoring red flags, or pushing past limits faster than is wise. Being aware of NRE helps you make better decisions during the honeymoon phase.

O

Orgasm control

The practice of a Dom(me) controlling when, how, or whether a submissive is permitted to orgasm. Can range from requiring permission before climax to extended denial over days or weeks. Often paired with chastity for physical enforcement.

P

Paddle

A flat implement used in impact play, typically made of wood, leather, or silicone. Paddles deliver broad, thuddy impact across a surface area. They range from lightweight novelty paddles to heavy wooden implements that demand respect and technique.

Partner code

In Bonded, a unique code used to invite a partner to join your dynamic. One partner creates the dynamic and generates a partner code; the other enters it to join. This mechanism ensures both parties actively opt in — no one is added to a dynamic without their deliberate action.

Pet

A submissive who takes on animal characteristics as part of their dynamic — puppy play, kitten play, pony play, and others. Pet play can be a full dynamic identity or something accessed during specific scenes. The pet role often emphasises playfulness, nonverbal communication, and a particular headspace.

Pet play

Role play in which one partner adopts animal behaviours and mannerisms. Common forms include puppy play, kitten play, and pony play. Each has its own subculture, aesthetic, and gear. Pet play sits at the intersection of D/s and role play — the power exchange is present but expressed through the animal/owner framework.

Play

BDSM activity. "Play" as a noun refers to a specific type of activity (impact play, wax play) or to BDSM activity generally. As a verb, "to play" means to engage in BDSM activities. Despite the word, play can be serious, intense, and emotionally significant. See also: scene.

Play party

A social event where BDSM activities take place. Play parties typically have rules about consent, negotiation, safer sex, and substance use. They often take place in dungeons or private venues. Unlike munches, play parties involve actual BDSM play and may require experience or sponsorship to attend.

Plug

A toy designed for anal insertion and extended wear, characterised by a flared base for safety. Plugs are used in D/s as part of protocols, scene play, or as a persistent reminder of the dynamic throughout the day. Material, size, and duration of wear are negotiated between partners.

Power exchange

The deliberate, consensual transfer of authority from one person to another. Power exchange is the foundation of D/s — it is what distinguishes a D/s dynamic from a vanilla relationship with some rules. The exchange can be narrow (covering specific areas) or broad (approaching TPE), and its scope is determined by negotiation.

PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink)

A consent framework that emphasises individual responsibility for understanding and accepting risk. PRICK places the burden on each person to be informed about what they are consenting to, rather than relying on a partner's assurance that an activity is "safe." More individualistic than SSC or RACK. Read about consent frameworks in our safety guide.

Protocol

A set of behavioural expectations within a dynamic — how the submissive addresses the Dom(me), how they enter a room, how they ask for things. Protocols create the daily texture of power exchange. They can be formal ("high protocol" — strict behavioural codes) or casual ("low protocol" — a few key practices). The level of protocol often varies by context: high at home, low in public.

Punishment

A consequence for violating a rule or protocol within a dynamic. Punishment is negotiated in advance, proportionate to the infraction, never given in anger, and never crosses hard limits. It serves the dynamic, not the Dom(me)'s frustration. Distinct from funishment, which both partners enjoy.

R

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

A consent framework that acknowledges no activity is entirely "safe" — the focus is on being aware of and accepting the risks involved. RACK emerged as an alternative to SSCbecause "safe" was seen as an impossible standard for some activities. Under RACK, informed consent to known risks is the standard. See our safety guide.

Reflection

In Bonded, a reflection is a diary entry written by the submissive — processing how the dynamic is going, how specific events felt, or whatever is on their mind. Reflections give the Dom(me) insight that direct conversation sometimes misses. Over time, they create a record of growth, patterns, and the evolution of the dynamic. See Bonded's diary feature.

Reward

Positive reinforcement within a dynamic — given by the Dom(me) in response to compliance, effort, or growth. Rewards can be physical (a treat, a desired activity), verbal (praise, acknowledgement), or structural (earning privileges, relaxed protocol). The carrot to punishment's stick, though many dynamics lean heavily toward reward-based structures.

Ritual

A repeated, meaningful action within a dynamic. Rituals differ from habits in their intentionality — they are performed because they hold significance within the power exchange. Morning greetings, kneeling when the Dom(me) arrives home, a bedtime check-in — rituals create rhythm and reinforce connection.

Role play

Acting out a scenario where one or both partners adopt characters, settings, or situations that differ from their everyday identities. In a D/s context, role play can overlap with or be distinct from the actual dynamic — some people role-play scenarios within their existing power exchange; others use role play as their primary framework for D/s.

Rope

Used for bondage — tying a partner for restraint, aesthetics, or the sensory experience. Common materials include jute, hemp, and cotton. Rope bondage requires knowledge of nerve pathways, circulation, and quick-release techniques. See also: shibari.

Rules

Standing expectations within a dynamic — ongoing behaviours the submissive is expected to follow. Rules create the daily structure of power exchange: morning check-ins, dress codes, speech protocols, self-care requirements. Effective rules are specific, achievable, and meaningful. Bonded's rules feature supports scheduled rules with evidence requirements and automatic tracking. See our rules and tasks guide.

S

Safeword

A pre-agreed word or signal that immediately pauses or stops a scene. The safeword exists outside the dynamic — using it is never a punishable offence and always honoured without question. Many dynamics use the traffic light system as an alternative or supplement. A safeword is both partners' safety net — it protects the Dom(me) from unknowingly causing harm as much as it protects the submissive.

Scene

A defined period of BDSM activity with a beginning and an end. Scenes are often negotiated specifically — what activities will occur, what the limits are, what safewords are in use. A scene can last minutes or hours and can take place within a broader dynamic or as a standalone event between partners.

Scene name

A pseudonym used within the kink community. Scene names protect privacy and allow people to maintain separation between their kink identity and their everyday life. Using someone's legal name in a kink context without their permission ("outing" them) is a serious breach of community ethics.

Sensation play

Activities focused on stimulating the senses — touch, temperature, pain, texture. Includes ice, wax, feathers, pinwheels, scratching, and more. Sensation play ranges from gentle and exploratory to intense and challenging. Often combined with blindfolds to heighten the remaining senses.

Service submission

A style of submission focused on acts of service — cooking, cleaning, organising, running errands, anticipating the Dom(me)'s needs. Service subs find fulfilment in being useful and in the structure that service-oriented rules provide. The dynamic emphasises doing over enduring.

Session

Sometimes used interchangeably with scene. In the context of professional BDSM, a session refers specifically to a paid encounter with a professional Dominant. In Bonded, a "session" can also refer to a chastity lock/unlock period.

Shibari

The Japanese art of rope bondage, characterised by specific tying patterns and an emphasis on aesthetics, tension, and the experience of being bound. Shibari (sometimes called kinbaku) involves a learning curve — the ties serve functional, aesthetic, and sensory purposes simultaneously. Classes and workshops are widely available. See also: rope, bondage.

Sir

An honorificused to address a Dominant partner, often but not exclusively male or masc-presenting. "Sir" carries connotations of respect and authority. As with all honorifics, its use is negotiated within the dynamic.

Slave

A submissive in an M/s dynamic who has ceded a broad range of authority to their Master. The distinction between a submissive and a slave is generally one of depth — a slave typically operates under more extensive control and fewer retained personal decisions. The terminology is significant within the community, though its use varies by region and subculture.

Slosh

Similar to a munch, but specifically held at a bar or pub where alcohol is served. The tone is casual and social. Same principle: vanilla-passing, no play, low-pressure community gathering.

Soft limit

An activity that a person has reservations about but has not ruled out entirely. Soft limits might be approached with caution, under specific conditions, or after further negotiation and trust-building. They differ from hard limits (absolute no) and curious (active interest). Soft limits can shift over time in either direction. In Bonded, each partner sets their own soft limits in the limits system.

SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual)

The oldest and most widely known consent framework in BDSM. SSC holds that activities should be safe (risk is minimised), sane (participants are of sound mind), and consensual (all parties agree freely). Criticisms of SSC note that "safe" is subjective and that some consensual activities (like edge play) are inherently risky. RACK and PRICK emerged as alternatives. See our safety guide.

Subdrop

The emotional and sometimes physical crash a submissive can experience after a scene or period of intense power exchange. Caused by the drop in endorphins and adrenaline after heightened stimulation. Symptoms include sadness, anxiety, irritability, physical fatigue, and emotional vulnerability. Subdrop can occur hours or even days after a scene. Aftercare is the primary mitigation. Read our aftercare guide.

Subspace

An altered state of consciousness experienced by some submissives during intense scenes. Triggered by the release of endorphins and adrenaline, subspace can feel euphoric, floaty, detached, or deeply peaceful. While often described positively, a person in subspace has diminished judgment and pain perception — the Dom(me) assumes greater responsibility for safety during this state. See also: flying.

Switch

A person who moves between Dominant and submissive roles. Switches may be Dominant with one partner and submissive with another, or alternate within the same dynamic. Switching is not a failure to commit to a role — it reflects a broader range of expression within power exchange. Some switches have a preference; others are balanced.

T

Task

A one-off assignment given by the Dom(me) to the submissive — distinct from standing rules. Tasks have a specific completion criteria and a deadline. They add variety, challenge, and growth opportunities to a dynamic. Bonded's tasks feature supports photo, video, audio, document, and text evidence, plus lines exercises and timed tasks.

Timeline

In Bonded, the timeline is the chronological activity feed for your dynamic — a record of evidence submissions, rule completions, diary entries, chastity sessions, and other events. The timeline creates a shared history and makes the dynamic's progression visible over time. See Bonded's timeline feature.

Top

The person delivering sensation or action in a scene. Related to but distinct from Dom(me)— a top delivers the action but does not necessarily hold authority. Someone can top without being Dominant (a "service top" who follows the bottom's direction).

Top space

The headspace a Dominant or top enters during a scene — heightened focus, controlled intensity, and acute awareness of the submissive's responses. Top space can be deeply satisfying but also emotionally demanding. The flip side of subspace, and equally deserving of aftercare afterward.

TPE (Total Power Exchange)

A dynamic in which the Dominant holds authority over virtually all aspects of the submissive's life — decisions, finances, daily routines, social interactions, and more. TPE is an advanced practice that requires deep trust, extensive negotiation, and ongoing communication. It is rarely truly "total" — most TPE dynamics still include hard limits and safewords.

Traffic light system

A widely used check-in and safeword framework. Green means everything is good. Yellow means slow down, ease up, or check in — something needs attention but does not require a full stop. Red means stop immediately, scene over. The system's simplicity makes it effective in the moment when complex communication is difficult.

Training

The process of a submissive learning and internalising the protocols, rules, and expectations of a dynamic. Training is collaborative — the Dom(me) teaches, the submissive practises, and both parties adjust the approach based on what works. Training is not something done to a submissive; it is something they participate in actively.

V

Vanilla

Sexual or relational practices that do not involve kink, BDSM, or power exchange. Used descriptively, not pejoratively. Many people have both vanilla and kinky dimensions to their relationships. "Vanilla" is not an insult — it simply describes a different framework for intimacy.

W

Wax play

Dripping hot wax onto the body as a form of sensation play. The type of candle matters enormously — soy and paraffin candles have a lower melting point and are safer for skin; beeswax burns significantly hotter and can cause injury. Drop height also affects temperature on impact. A starting-point activity for many, but one that still requires basic safety knowledge.

Related guides

Starting Your First D/s Dynamic

Roles, communication, first rules, negotiation, and building trust from day one.

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How to Negotiate Limits

Hard, soft, curious — a deep dive into the limits conversation and how to keep it updated.

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BDSM Safety

SSC, RACK, aftercare, subdrop, red flags, and safety practices for every dynamic.

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Aftercare

What aftercare looks like, why it matters, and how to do it well for both Dom(me)s and submissives.

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Chastity in D/s

How chastity works as a power exchange tool, practical considerations, and getting started.

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Structure your dynamic.

Rules, limits, tasks, diary, chastity tracking — everything in one private platform built for D/s.

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